"Oh, It's Better Than A Movie"

       On May 31, 2000, I stood at the stove in my parent's house cooking stir fry with one eye on the television, peaking at vibrant blue Malaysian waters off the coast of Borneo Island. It was the season premiere of Survivor. Outwit. Outlast. Outplay. The adventure intrigued me. By the season finale, when Susan Hawk rips both Richard Hatch and Kelly Wigglesworth new assholes, we were hooked. My parents and I have watched ever since, routing for the more-family-oriented contestants. When I officially moved to Portland three and a half years ago, I started taking notes as I watched each episode to email to my Mom. That way, we can still bond over the show. This season, Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers, I will be sharing my thoughts.

+ I’m watching “Previously On” and even I thought I was starting to grasp who was who, I’m realizing after a week, I’ve forgotten everyone! haha

+ This team swap music is freakin’ menacing! And it ain’t Halloween yet!

+ My favorite Jeff quote ever: “Everybody… drop your buffs!”

+ Jeff says jump, you say how high.

+ Two teams? Three teams?

+ Oh yeah, this Jessica chick is totes falling in love with Cole.

+ Three teams! I knew it!

+ Blue team looks solid.

+ Fisherwoman is still on the bottom. : (

+ I can't wait to see if Cowboy and Sherri (Chrissy… same thing) will continue working together if they are both still around come Merge time. I’m interested in that alliances in a time where alliances are rare.

+ Reward: PB&J and chips?! After 10 days?! YES please!

+ Let's see how the new teams can do on this team builder challenge. Comms is key!

+ No need to throw yourselves over this beam, hunny. Broken bones don’t win Survivor.

+ Spoke too soon about New Team Blue.

+ I kinda love the New Red Team.

+ Haha. Cole just pulled that whole pallet on his own with not much help from Roark or Bellhop.

+ LoL Dr. Mike keeps getting yelled at.

+ WIN! I guess it’s worth getting your fingers smashed by Dr Mike.

+ Curly Hair is correct - the game has totally just stepped it up a notch.

+ mmmm. Those chips look greasy.

+ Greasy Advantage! Haha Note to self. “You’re staring at your chips too long.”

+ I love that they just hand the advantages out this season. So many have probably been overlooked.

+ Why the hell did Jessica tell Cole she had it?! So much for “SECRET” Advantage!

+ Haha! The music behind the Bellhop and Chrissy scene cracks me up. Friends at first sight.

+ Alan to Ashley: “I know that I have history with you….” Hah! It was only a week ago!

+ Joe is such a snake. #villain. I hate it but I love it. He’s messy though.

+ Are there 2 Jessicas? I think I keep getting her and Ashley confused.

+ Cole should’ve kept his mouth shut. Now he has a reputation of loose lips.

+ That table of puzzle pieces looks like a pain in the ass.

+ Nothing more unattractive than saggy, week-old undies. Someone order a laundry service!

+ OH NO! He totally just got nailed in the nuts with the handle! Ouch.

+ Oh god, the table is on Ashley’s hand!

+ I know I can carry weight but I don’t know if I could handle a lock and key under pressure… with a smashed hand.

+ Nothing more distracting when the first team wins Immunity and you’re still competing for your life while they are screaming and celebrating.

+ New Blue goes to Tribal. Not as strong as I thought.

+ This is gonna be good. We got some hotheads on Blue.

+ OMG! Saggy Bottom Butt just said, “Joe’s a snake!” Took the words outta my mouth!

+ About time Alan had some crazy eye competition. 

+ YAS! It’s happening. Joe is stirring the pot. Lies, cries and denies! Let the games begin!

+ Oh snap! Everyone’s poppin’ off!

+ Alan: “I’m not voting for Ashley, I’m not voting for Devon… let yo man do the math!”

+ Nothing that comes out of Joe’s mouth even makes any sense. I can’t even quote him.

+ Wait, where the fuck did Devon’s shitty “advantage” come from?! The girl on the other team? Did I miss something?! Damn. Sneaky, sneaky.
+ I feel bad for Dezzy. Right under the bus.
+ 4 episodes in and we're starting to get tears from people. I say someone will have a full-on breakdown within the next 2 episodes.
+ Haha! Alan's face at Tribal. "We got back to camp and people were anxious to get Tribal started."
+ Ashley: "Jeff, I've never been referred or have been the weakest link in anything I have ever done in my entire life..."
+ Jeff: "This is like a movie." Joe: "Oh, it's better than a movie."
+ Wait. Joe's argument is that his chaos unveiled which side of the divide Alan was on? Of course Alan was gonna vote with Ashley. Even if they can't stand each other, they're all they have!
+ "I'm not a hero... Long-term, eh yea, ya need to get rid of 'em."
+ Alan: "The heroes were undefeated! And there's 6 of them out there!"
+ Alan is earning points! “Joe is hanging off a cliff with each finger pealing off. Scratching and clawing at whatever he can.”
+ Devon: "It's out in the open that I'm the swing vote."
+ Next scene, Devons finds out his vote doesn't count. HAHA!
+ Oh, this poor boy. That twinkle in his eye just faded REAL fast. Just deflated EVERYONE's game.

+ Okay. Joe’s Idol is getting used up.
+ Using it on……..
+ Himself. Not surprised at all.

+ Ugh. His air fist pumps. Hate it.

+ And Alan’s blindsided by an idol?! Wow!

+ Should have known. We’ve seen a lot of him this first month.

+ Hm. Kinda sad to see him go.

+ I can’t believe Joe masterminded that vote! Take about distracting people with chaos.

+ That Idol really saved Joe’s ass.

+ Ashley was 100% blindsided too! Close ya mouth.
+ Well played.

+ I’m so glad Dezzy wasn’t affected. I bet she shit herself.

+ I bet Devon shit himself that night too. Rough episode for him. Bruised balls and a blocked vote. He left with pie in his face, for sure.

+ Already can’t wait for next week. I love when they hogtie contestants and make them worm their way through the sand.
+ Wait… so Cole blabbed about Jessica’s Advantage that never even affected their own team?! HAHA! Bet he’s regretting that.