Thursday, September 28, 2017

Outwit. Outlast. Outplay.

       On May 31, 2000, I stood at the stove in my parent's house cooking stir fry with one eye on the television, peaking at vibrant blue Malaysian waters off the coast of Borneo Island. It was the season premiere of Survivor. Outwit. Outlast. Outplay. The adventure intrigued me. By the season finale, when Susan Hawk rips both Richard Hatch and Kelly Wigglesworth new assholes, we were hooked. My parents and I have watched ever since, routing for the more-family-oriented contestants. When I officially moved to Portland three and a half years ago, I started taking notes as I watched each episode to email to my Mom. That way, we can still bond over the show. This season, Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers, I will be sharing my thoughts.

+ Survivor season 35: Heroes, Healers, & Hustlers! Let's go!
+ Are we in Fiji again?
+ Can’t complain about Fiji!
+ I can only imagine the rush these folks must feel on this boat! “Look at the mast! Look at the cameras! Jeff is talking to me! What’s my story line? Look at my buff!” Must be a trip!
+ One day, I will own a buff. Preferably purchased on line.
+ Military man. Thank you for your service.
+ The girl with the curly hair seems feisty. She must need patience to be somebody's personal assistant, but patience goes out the door on this island!
+ Oh gosh, this nerdy guy is gonna glide right to the top 5, isn’t he?
+ Game on! Now grab those melons, that flint, and get your asses to shore!
+ The water is so blue!
+ No plans. All pandemonium.
+ Jeff: “He’s launching fruit like a quarterback… with no receiver.” lol
+ Told ya. Nerdy guy found his first advantage. I bet you’ll he’ll find more. Though I really hope they get spread out this season. The last TWO seasons, all the same people got the advantages. The best one in the last 2: Officer Sarah, when she found the one Michaela missed.
+ There is so much fucking fruit floating in the water! What a waste.
+ Ahaha! Red head just threw that pineapple so far, nobody will be able to get it!
+ And Jeff is already ashore. He didn’t even have to get wet getting onto his boat! It’s good to be the King, huh?
+ Jeff: “The hustlers are still trying to figure out what show they are on!”
+ Whale!
+ Look at that bon fire! But ummm… Healer’s beach looks like it’s gonna wash away. Fire or not, I hope that tide don’t rise!
+ This girl is drooling over the new “Tarzan”
+ I’ll never understand the cute bras on this show. Get a fucking sports bra and tank top!
+ Ohhh! NFL player!!! What team was he on?!
+ “Core Four!” I love that phrase. Had my own at work.
+ LOL “Mom Squad” Talk about agism. I don’t like this dude.
+ I wanna hear more from this dykey woman. I like her!
+ Who’s this guy with the crab in his pants and why did he put the crab in his pocket?!
+ Nerdy with the advantage: “For the first time, someones trying to get into my pants!” Ahaha!
+ SUPER IMMUNITY IDOL!? Have to use it at the first Tribal?! Talk about a major target on your back.
+ Who is this Joe guy? Fuck you. Pull your pants up. Who are you to call someone out so early for having an advantage they don’t have. Talk about paranoia.
+ This NFL player is also paranoid. He a fool. I don’t think he’s crafty as he thinks.
+ OMG! He just made this guy take his pants down?!?!? PSYCHO!!!! Get this guy OUT OF HERE! That was so weird and uncomfortable. He put his face down there and gave him a ball tap all in the name of immunity???!! WEIRDO!
+ These people are idol/advantage hungry. Get over yourselves and JUST PLAY THE GAME!
+ Immunity challenge time!
+ LMFAO Like Splash Mountain on that little roller coaster!
+ That looked fun at first until y’all got sawdust in your faces.
+ Dr Mike wins the maze!!! I think I like Dr Mike!
+ So close! Nail bitter!
+ Way to go Hustlers!! - At least I THINK thats who won.
+ Wait… who’s going to Tribal? lol
+ Oh, Heroes. Poor Heroes. They GAVE IT THEIR ALL!!! Poor sicky. I hope that doesn’t make her a target.
+ WOW! Those fish, and especially the whale footage is AWESOME this season!
+ Alan, the NFL player HAS TO GO. He is SO non-discrete.
+ YES! The Immunity SUPER IDOL has been GIFTED!
+ The Super Idol is so PRETTY!!!! Is that Quan Yin?!
+ This Mom with the idol has to get Alan outta here!
+ You know I love a good tribal set design, but nothing will beat that shipwreck Tribal set design from last year!
+ I’m on the edge of my seat.
+ I’m heated. Alan is totally stereo typing these two! They aint no power couple!
+ This Alan NEEDS TO GO. I can’t stand him. I know part of it is the editing but his game play is awful.
Get over yourself, Alan!
+ He has crazy eyes.
+ Oh poor Katrina! BUMMER! She had potential. She’s a normal person.
+ But the one with the Super Immunity Idol did what was best for her. Both women had a target on their backs. Get rid of the one who ain't you and try to stir shit up moving forward. Even though she puked, I think she’s on to something.
+ LMFAO The first commercial once the show ended was a Victoria Secret SPORTS BRA commercial! At least someone is listening to me.
+ Katrina is an Olympian?! I love that she slipped that in, in her final interview. You have to get your story out there however you can.
+ Now I need to google her tomorrow morning at work. Can’t wait to learn more about 1988 Olympian Swimmer Katrina.