Christmastime Empathy of Gunshots

The smell of fresh fruit, dried leaves and rotting pumpkins has passed. The trees have stiffened and dropped their leaves, which lay in constantly soggy clumps in the yard. The breeze just hovers and the chill clings to glass window. Colored lights now decorate the shinny city and wink as cheerful smiles pass on my quiet neighborhood streets.

Meanwhile this evening, just miles away, silence was the last thing that fell upon the mall at Clackamas Town Center. Repeated gunshots, sharp screams, the slamming of store front gates vibrated through the food court. And the constant whisper of Christmas hymns shared their message of peace, echoing through the decorated mall. Trembling souls watched the arms of clocks heave heavy minutes as they hid in offices and back storage closets of various stores as the shooter rampaged through the second level.

Not as many details have been released as there have been personal stories of friends, patrons, managers, families getting photos taken with Santa and consumers purchasing holiday gifts as Hanukkah is upon us and Christmas is around the corner. My roommates and I have hung an obnoxious poster of Santa Claus in our front picture window and "peace, love & joy" stockings on the living room wall above a jar of candy canes on the living room table. The red, green and white wrapping paper that we used to decorate our Yankee Candles really isn't much but sets the tune of the season. I can't imagine flicking on the lights of our mini Christmas tree, locking up our comfy and cozy little home, going to the mall and never returning. The two unsuspecting people who tragically passed away tonight will now be angels watching over us this season.

You can not prepare, you can not expect and I know this has happened repeatedly around the world but I couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach while watching the news at the gym. Knowing that one of my friends had locked herself in the managers office at her store was gut wrenching. I couldn't help but feel the fear of the family who's baby daughter was on Santa's lap during the time of the ringing riffle. Or the girl who's sister was one of the seven injured, now at OHSU (Portland's major hospital) and I couldn't imagine how all their families and friends felt when they found out.

Everyday, I make an effort to vocally share my gratitude of the beauty around me, my own friends & family, the challenges & goals in my life and the service I am able to provide for others. Whether or not you believe in gun control, people killing people or guns killing people, or unearthly natural selection, take the time to realize what you do have in your current lives because it could be gone in a wave of a hand. It is too bad that it takes a publicized disaster for some people to feel the emotion that could be shared regularly.

Maybe I am just over-emotional and ranting but please, just take care our yourselves and each other, this holiday and every day. Bless us all, for blessings come in a thousand different kinds of packages.

Stay warm, we are all where we belong.

#12

After a Thanksgiving spent with friends, coworkers, Addy the Dog, fantastic food, Jumanji and the Patriots creamin' the Jets… this image was the icing on the cake.

Full of Turkey

30-D POD: 28

Happy Thanksgiving!

Last Thanksgiving, I was living on a team of 11 people, 45 miles out of the nearest town, in the Anza Borrego Desert. We had the holiday off and decided to volunteer at Julian, CA Town Hall by feeding the hungry, the homeless, the tourists, the veterans, the locals and stuffing ourselves with candied yams. I remember the chill in the air. Winter was approaching, even in Southern California. I talked to people who came through the line as I served them mashed potatoes out of serving trays and pouring ladles of gravy over their plates. They told me how thankful they were for my AmeriCorps NCCC's team service that day.

In my family, Christmas was always the largely celebrated holiday. We'd done the Thanksgiving dinners at home for years but it slowly just became easier to just go order a meal in a restaurant. No dishes! By the time I was working at CVS, I was pulling double shifts on Thanksgiving to get Christmas off. Meme wanted to have a home cooked meal though for Turkey Day 2010 and I closed the store early to get home. I'm glad I did because it was the last Thanksgiving I had with her.

After my team and I finished cleaning up Town Hall last year and started the long drive home, reality started settling around me. Not only was it my first Thanksgiving away from home but it was the first holiday season without my Meme. My team had heard me speak of her quite often but I needed their support that night more than anything. Missing her, still grieving her recent passing and still adjusting to my new endeavor of service, I took it upon myself as we sat around and ate more pie at our campsite, to start a sharing circle. I wanted to read to my team what I wrote and read aloud at Meme's funeral. This was the first time I cried when I read it since I wrote it. Heck, I didn't even cry when I wrote it! My teammates each ended up opening up and sharing some of their deep thanks. It was a milestone for our team's growth and I'm glad Meme was a bridge for that. I was most thankful to know how proud Meme was of me before she passed and even though she didn't get to hear about my stories on the other end of a phone line, I know she got to see all that I accomplished in my year of service.

Now that I'm back on the West Coast, this time in Portland but still not able to afford the time or the plane ticket, I'm absent from my family's festivities again. However, my fantastic supervisor, Nicole hosted an "Orphan Thanksgiving" for my new team of six. Four of us were able to bring dishes and many friends were in attendance. We made these handy-dandy-turkeys that are posted above (mine is the one with the umbrella) while waiting for the real deal to cook and over a fantastic dinner, we each spoke of where we were last year and what we were thankful for this year.

This year, I am thankful for my AmeriCorps experiences. In NCCC, I learned hands-on skills, traveled through California, met many angels of the day, learned how to appreciate love, improved my leadership capability, grew with my team and opened a door that lead right to where I am now, sitting here on my bed in Oregon, serving a second year of AmeriCorps. It was been life-shaping and I am grateful.

Miss you, Mem. Xoxo.